Author: Meltha
Rating: G
Feedback: Yes, thank you. Meltha
Spoilers: Absolutely nothing if you know who Snape is
Distribution: Fanfiction.net and the Bunny Warren. If you're interested, please let me know.
Summary: Snape reads the classic One Fish, Two Fish to a group of kindergartners.
Disclaimer: All characters are owned by J. K. Rowling, whose characters I have borrowed for a completely profit-free flight of fancy. Kindly do not sue me, please, as I am terrified of you. Thank you.
Author's Note: This was prompted by a poster at lj's read_hp group who wondered what would happen if Snape read this book to a group of kids.

Snape's Storytime

"One fish," Snape said, his voice unctious, his eyes glaring at one little boy who had been in the act of pulling a little girl's pigtails. The child withdrew his hand as though burned. "Two fish."

"Sir," asked another little girl, "What are the fishes' names?"

Snape stared at her for a full minute until she began to wail hysterically.

"Now," he said, "unless there are any other useless, idiotic questions, we shall continue with the story."

The children's eyes were enormous.

"Red fish," Snape entoned, pausing for dramatic effect. One small boy leaned forward so far from sheer nervous tension on the multicolored story rug that he was in danger of toppling. "Blue fish."

Snape shut the book with a lightning-like crack, and the book disappeared.

"And then," he added, a smile slowly curling his lips insidiously, "the giant squid ate them."

The children were stunned into silence, their eyes still enormous.

"And that's what happens when you're not a green fish in Slytherin house," Snape explained. The silence continued. "Well?! Why aren't you writing that down!"

"We can't write yet, sir," one girl explained, though she looked terrified.

"Oh," he said thoughtfully. "I suppose that will have to do as an excuse. And now..."

He stood, and the pink and green painted bear on the storytime rocker somehow managed to look deeply frightened.

"Snack time. Where are the Goldfish crackers?"